What's in a title

So when I was thinking of a title for this blog I was having a hard time.  I wanted it to be light hearted but to the point.  So here we go!  This is a journal, my journal of weight loss.  Obviously if it is about weight loss that covers the chunky part...lol.  And of course I am a princess, what female isn't.

So now that I have covered that part, let me tell you about me.  I am a 36 year old mother of an amazing 17 month old that my husband and I adopted at birth.  He is the most amazing and important part of my life.  I am married to Joe, one of my best friends in the world.  The other two are my parents and my cousin.  She and I have been joined at the hip since birth I swear.  Like any relationships we all have our ups and downs, but we all seem to come back to the fact we love each other. 

Family is the most important thing in my life.  My family has been there with me through so much, I don't even know  where to start to tell you about it (so I will write about it in later posts).  They have been there to support me through so much, good and bad.  

I have always been a pretty confident person, very assured of myself and outgoing.  I have always struggled with my weight but I never felt it kept me from most things.  Somewhere in the adoption process that slowly started to slip away.  I often felt that I was in high school again and was being judged by my looks, clothes, the way my house looked and the job I had.  But it wasn't just the "mean girls" doing it now.  It was going to effect everything I wanted in life, a child.  I am in no way blaming this process for my weight, I am blaming it for my confidence issues that I have now.  My weight has always been a problem, and I can sit here and give a million reasons why I think it is, and what my doctors think too.  But at the end of the day it won't change it so I needed to do something about it.

I have tried pretty much every diet out there you can think of, some worked for a short time and some didn't.  After Noah was born I realized if I can't do this for myself I need to do it for him.  So 7 months ago I started to process to have weight loss surgery.  It wasn't a decision that came easy or something I jumped into without alot of thought and research.  It is not a decision I am proud of yet, but it is what I am doing.  

I am so afraid to tell people what I am doing.  I have not told the people I work with, none of my friends and very few people in my family.  I don't know if it's because I don't want them to try to change my mind, or if it is the judgement I feel I will get from them.  I don't know if I will ever feel comfortable to tell them what I did or just let them think I lost the weight on my own, I guess time will tell on that matter.

However I am two weeks from surgery and am scared to death to be honest!  Scared that I will fail at it, that something will go wrong, that I made a bad decision.  It keeps me up at night to be honest.

So I feel that writing here is good for me and hopefully will be a support to anyone who finds this and that I can find support from others out there.